Friday, April 17, 2015

Holocaustic Wit

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Yesterday was Holocaust Remembrance Day. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu marked the sad occasion with a speech in which he likened the United States' tentative deal with Iran to the European appeasement to Hitler which let to World War II and the Holocaust.

Or perhaps "Holocaust I" as it may be known after "Holocaust II" occurs on Barack Obama's timetable (i.e., "not technically on my watch - but pretty soon afterwards").

Russia is already preparing to ship "defensive" missiles to Iran as soon as sanctions are lifted, and those mischievous psychopaths in North Korea are planning on selling missile system parts to Obama's pals as well. And even the president acknowledges that the "best case" scenario for his deal will only forestall the possible incineration of the Jewish state for 10 years. And that's assuming that Iran - for the first time ever - lives up to their word.

In fairness, B. Hussein did put on his frowny face long enough to read a few platitudes off a teleprompter on Holocaust Remembrance Day, reminding one and all that it was a day "to reaffirm our responsibilities to ourselves." Vague, self-referential word salad which doesn't mean a thing.

Or maybe it does...

Because if that's what the president of the United States thinks we should "Never Forget," it means Israel is in even worse trouble than we thought.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

She Did Not Inhale

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Following Hillary Clinton's self-declaration that she is the once and future "Champion" of the downtrodden, Democrats have been scrambling to find any specific qualifications she has for the presidency. After all, her tenure as Secretary of State was disastrous, the debacle of "Hillary Care" set the party back for almost 20 years, and her list of personal scandals is even longer than the list of phone numbers in her husband's little black book.

Fortunately, the erstwhile journalists at Time Magazine have finally found one quality about Hillary which would make her a perfect president: she's post-menopausal.

According to an alleged psychiatrist (who gave his opinion in return for a free subscription to Time Magazine for his waiting room), "A woman emerging from the transition of perimenopause blossoms. It is a time for redefining and refining what it is she wants to accomplish in her third act. They are primed to handle stress well, and there is, of course, no more stressful job than the presidency."

Looked at another way, the statement seems to suggest that women who have not gone through menopause really aren't great candidates for political office or any other jobs which are stressful (which is, by the way, why they're called jobs). A "war on women" sentiment which still-fecund millennial women like Lefty Lucy would surely resent if uttered by a Republican.

Still, if this is the best endorsement of Hillary that the liberal media can come up with, so be it. If they can't have a candidate who represents "new blood," then one with "no blood" will have to do.

And Don't Forget...

Monday, April 13, 2015

What The Hillary?!

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Hillary Clinton officially announced her obsessive, all-encompassing, Captain Ahab-like bid for the White House on Sunday, to the surprise and shock of absolutely no one. Well, almost no one...

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Hillary plans to base her campaign on fighting for rights that women have actually had for decades, but don't know it because they don't bother to watch the freaking news.

Mrs. Clinton also will work to strengthen the middle class economy which has taken such a beating under Barack Obama. Specifically, she wants to teach the middle class how to earn "big, big money" by publishing their autobiographies, making speeches at a quarter million bucks a pop, and granting special favors to dictatorial governments in return for generous donations.

According to an unofficial spokesperson, Clinton says: "I was dead broke, living under a bridge, eating out of dumpsters, and barely able to pay the mortgages on my multiple mansions. Now I'm living the dream!"

Wow! Talk about your feel good, "only in America," up-by-the-bootstraps inspirational stories for all of us who missed out on those shovel ready jobs!

Hillary hasn't announced her official campaign slogan yet, but Hope n' Change is able to give you this exclusive look behind the scenes at the creative process...

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We could say more, but it's a long way to election day 2016 and we don't want to use up all our jokes at once. Also, and we can't emphasize this enough, we need a drink.

But Wait - There's More!

This video was supposed to be finished in time for our post last Friday. Fortunately, the message hasn't aged a bit...